Regrets

Filling one’s life with regrets is like turning off the light and deciding that life is not to be enjoyed. And the sad part is that regrets don’t change the past, they only poison the present as well as the future, if we allow that to happen.

Regrets don’t make us better and more loving people. A more productive way would be to look at who or what caused the pain, ask for forgiveness in our minds and forgive ourselves as well. It will enhance our consciousness and bring us closer to a mindful life. It will also allow us to bring light and joy back into our hearts and to feel happiness again.

There are some things I would do differently, but since I do not know how my life would have unfolded with those divergent approaches, I have made peace, except one regret is still lingering. Having children and being part of a traditional family, has been a dream I hoped to realize. But I made the decision, out of love for my husband, to go along with his desire and live a life with just the two of us. It has been a good life, and I wouldn’t have done many things, like traveling around the world, with children to raise. But it is still a painful spot in my heart, and I know that I would have loved to be a mother. Sacrificing one’s dream leads to regrets and in my case, I, unfortunately, realized this when it was too late. Being a stepmom brings me joy. Circumstances didn’t allow us to live closer to each other, and I accepted it with some melancholy. I love my stepdaughter, and she loves me. We make the best out of our different lifestyles and the long distances which always separate us.

I try not to dwell on things which I cannot change. Being near the end of my life journey, I have made peace with the sorrow and pain which happened in my earlier years.  I can now look at the various segments from the outside and am no longer a participant, just an onlooker. The memories are there, but the attached emotions are gone. I am finally able to embrace my life as a whole, a progression to who I am today.

A life filled with regrets would be like having a dark cloud obscuring the joys of the present and the anticipation of happiness tomorrow. It is entirely up to us to dissolve such darkness or to keep it, a decision that profoundly affects the quality of our lives. So, what are you waiting for? There is no benefit in preserving and carrying a bundle of regrets. Live your life to the fullest!

Silvia Coggin, CPC
Author and Founder of NotJustCooking.com

Second Chances

How often do we tell ourselves: “That’s it, I’m done!” Are we acting out of pain without thinking of possible consequences? Do we want to live without the people involved and want to close the door on a relationship permanently?

It is not always easy to give second chances. There is a lingering pain, hurtful memories, and fear of starting the suffering all over again should old wounds reopen. Does this sound familiar? I have experienced those feelings, and it sometimes took considerable time to get ready to let them go and to replace them with forgiveness. But when I did, a stressful burden was lifted, and I felt better and more in peace.

One thing is sure; we can forgive in our hearts and minds and nurture the feeling that everyone deserves a second chance. Looking at painful experiences objectively, you might discover that it wasn’t just a one-way street and that we carry some of the responsibility. Consider how often you have received second, or even third chances. We all make mistakes and sometimes deserve another opportunity to do better and to try again. A second chance is an opportunity to show that we are wiser and more knowledgeable.

Second chances and forgiveness are close cousins. When we can forgive others as well as ourselves, we are ready to grant a second chance. That doesn’t mean we have to repeat the same mistakes all over again. Let’s keep in mind that we all change and the person in the past is not the person in the present. I believe we grow spiritually and can leave much of our heavy baggage behind.

If you feel you do not give or get second chances, consider this quote by Nicholas Sparks.

“Don’t think there are no second chances. Life always offers you a
SECOND CHANCE… It’s called TOMORROW.”

We should enjoy life, and this is only possible if we are at peace within. May you enjoy a happy journey filled with love for yourself and others.

Silvia Coggin, CPF
Author and founder of NotJustCooking.com

Forgiving, Love and Compassion

Forgiving, Love and CompassionI have written about forgiving before, and today I would like to add one more step to the process. Forgiving is essential so we can enjoy life and embrace love for others and ourselves. Without forgiveness, we cannot soar like an eagle; we are held down by our unresolved feelings.

How we reach forgiveness is a personal road. There are many different approaches, but they all will lead to the same result: we let our hurt feelings go and no longer have the need to make things right. The memory remains, but there are no feelings attached.

There is one further step to take to make us completely whole. We have to replace the letting go with love and compassion. This is, in my experience, the hardest to do. One can rationalize forgiving, but love and compassion? And do we have to tell that we have forgiven them?

I attended a workshop dealing with this topic and it hit a sensitive spot in me. I was sure I forgave, but did I feel any love or compassion for the person who hurt me? Is my ego compelling me to tell the person that I have forgiven? And doesn’t this mean that I want to show what a noble person I am? And how could others understand, since most likely they are not aware that they caused so much hurt and pain? It was a simple decision for me. I am working on my love and compassion and will not tell that I have forgiven. It is bringing me peace and the chatter in my mind is slowly going silent. Forgiving is vital, but wrapping it into love and compassion makes it complete.

Silvia Coggin, CPC
Author and Founder of NotJustCooking.com

 

ShareThis Copy and Paste